Down with dating

My stepmom confirmed this, in a strange, roundabout way: “Yeah, I always thought the rule was to date up.” While my stepmom’s intentions were good, “dating up — and its correlating predecessor, “marrying up” — is an outdated and somewhat offensive idea, invented to encourage women to find a man of means and status who will carry her through because that man is the only way she’ll make it in life.

It was here, with his father bumbling in to ask, “What’s going on? What kept us together wasn’t as exciting as sex or arguments over our incompatibility — but that I could show up at his place at 10 p.m.

My next boyfriend and my next and my next after that were all very good men, with great senses of humor and warm spirits, but they were also some version of lazy, dependent and unambitious. I had to pester them to go back to college, or to pay their parking tickets, or to basically be the person I wished they were. The easy, therapist-approved explanation for my being attracted to men like this is that I like constants.

But the one thing I never wanted to change was their loyalty, or their need for me. My parents were divorced when I was 10, my mother died when I was 25, and there was a lot of dropping the ball and surprise developments in between.

Dating with Down syndrome used to be an issue, but not any more. Your email is safe with us - other members will not be able to see it.

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